BRING A CUP AND PLATE AND WATER AND A BOWL AND A TENT AND SME COSTUME AND A TORCH AND A SLEEPING BAG AND sh*t ROLL AND BOOZE AND TOOTHBRUSH AND A GUN AND SWORD AND SOME COMMON f*ckING SENSE.....

...so, you're providing all of those then are you? Fantastic, I'll just turn up in my grollies then!

ok but stop shouting! do i have to bring my own or are they provided. sorry i have looked all over the site but not once have you addressed this issue. bloody amateurs! a sham of a farce!

can I just clarify what you want us to bring then?

Is it a water pistol, and a full diving suit? Anything else?

Oh I still don't get it. I thought I was bringing the plot and all the costume, now you tell me I only have to bring a spoon and some water.

Its all too confusing. Do I need to bring a cup or can I drink the water without it? Is the water free standing? Really these issues must be cleared up before I die of dehydration.

Oh and is STOP SHOUTING louder than Stop Shouting! - do exclamation marks and punctuation count for naught in this interweb. Is STOP SHOUTING!!! really loud?

WHATS GOING ON HERE WHATS ALL THIS SHOUTING????

Is nobody listening, do I have to go through allllll this again. I thought it was patently clear that you need to bring futuristic space marine type eating utensils and a suit of exo armour along with your laser tag weapon....dont you??? or is it that pir*te sh*t again....oh f*ck....bring what you want....f*ckING RAY MEARS WOULD COPE ( and hes a tubby nerd...oh wait aminute wasnt he at the last event...or was that somone else??? f*cking bruce parry was there....no that was mark cordouroy?????) so to clarify if everyone could bring a mark cordouroy with themto eat with that would be great.

Bruce Parry? Bloody amateur.

And I would like to make it clear that, unlike Mr Parry, at no time have I ever tried to have my penis inverted by a lost tribe as part of an initiation ritual or tried to leap the backs of sacred cows for the amusement of the locals.

Just so long as that's clear ok?



So - to clarify, here's the checklist for the next event:

X1 SPACEHOPPER - orange.

X1 STRAW DONKEY - with novelty hat and the words A Gift from España written on the brim.

X1 LENGTH OF BLACK AND YELLOW ROAD HAZARD TAPE - x3 metres (although a length of 2m and another of 1m will suffice as long as you remember to bring the selotape).

X1 ROLL OF SELOTAPE - see above.

X1 BUNCH OF FLOWERS - for Larry (please, no petunias, you know he'll only try to eat them again. And try to keep it in the yellow-red tonal range, although some greenery would be nice for filling out the display when he get's it home).

SALT.

15M OF B&Q LAMINATE KICKBOARD - for the Shaker Oak kitchen unit range. ONLY NATURAL OAK FINISH PLEASE! let's not have another repeat of last time when the finished kitchen looked a half-arsed mess to be perfectly blunt.

WW2 FLYING HELMET.



There, I think that does it, if I've missed anything please copy and paste this list into the body of your post and add the other items there, we don't want to be in the position of having to do a messy print, cut and selotape job on the friday morning before we leave do we.

Thank you for you attention.

Not the management.

Sweet mother of p*ss are you stupid or just as stupid as stupid does.

Do not forget bring a fork to drink the water.

Jeez, it makes me wonder how I am ever going to get that shrimp boat.

---

And why do I not get any flowers?

OK I'm coming along for one day so i'll bring 15 gallons of water 1 c*cktail stick in place of a fork (larp safe of course), 1 plastic knife so that I cannot hijack people with it.... oh yes and a microwave full of Mcdonald hamburgers.......(I should be up on the saturday morning just in time for kick off so if any are missing supplies the earl can get roy to give me a call).

You sir are a gent. Look forward to seeing you. I hope you can drink the water using your c*cktail stick.