Thu 28 Mar 2024, 10:49 GMT
Burnt is Clean
Good morning surfer
Page  «1-34»
»Index »Any old nonsence may be posted here « Newer Topic | Older Topic »
Caption Contest and Gallery!!!
Posted by Mark 25 Aug 2007, 12:20
Mark
horror
Offline
The Dogs

Posts: 141

Joined: 22 Aug 2007
Last Post: 30 Jan 2009
Last Online: 30 Jan 2009
It all hurts more than it used to.
UK
No knives, no forks and now no bloody seats! This event was crap.



Edited by Mark 25 Aug 2007  • Reason:

Posted by Mark 12 Sep 2007, 16:50
Mark
horror
Offline
The Dogs

Posts: 141

Joined: 22 Aug 2007
Last Post: 30 Jan 2009
Last Online: 30 Jan 2009
It all hurts more than it used to.
UK
...and so Dorothy set out merrily on her quest to the cheery sounds of 'Follow The Yellow Brick Road'...30 seconds later she was back to KICK THEIR £$*!%& NUTS IN 'TIL THEY £^!$*%& STOPPED!!!.

(If you look carefully, there's a Munchkin hanging himself in the tree in the background...)

Posted by Mark 14 Sep 2007, 11:48
Mark
horror
Offline
The Dogs

Posts: 141

Joined: 22 Aug 2007
Last Post: 30 Jan 2009
Last Online: 30 Jan 2009
It all hurts more than it used to.
UK
They all ducked as the lad's first tequila slammer-induced projectile vomiting session took full effect.

Feathers didn't like being puppeteered by the Cap'n.

It was pretty obvious who looked guilty about the smell.

My what fun they all had pretending to be those old 70's toys with the suction cups and the springs.

It was then that Teresa succumbed to the urge to shoot Gunner up the arse.

The plan was simple yet cunning - pretend to be frogs, wait for the fr*nchies to eat them and then attack from within!

Fortunately the German's strict posture code meant they could never look down, the pir*tes were safe.

It was a big one, but with a little more pressure the Cap'n figured she could squeeze it loose.

Yup, the ship's regulation braces were definitely too short.

The Cult of Mol caught on quickly

They all enjoyed the cooling breeze for a few minutes, and reflected that, never again would they accept chilli products from strange Spaniards.

Alas, Feathers discovered the thistle too late.

Fortunately Nel discovered the feather too late.

They patiently waited in line while Gunner decided whether to have 5 penny chews and a sherbert dip or to blow it all on a gobstopper

Feathers sighed, for this she gave up an afternoon down the pub?!

Everyone waited until Si and Larry came up with an actual plot, it was a fair bet they'd be here for a long time...

The lead-lined underwear had one or two unexpected drawbacks.

Tragedy struck the crew's Formation Russian Dancing team when pins & needles set in.

Gunner wished he hadn't decided to wear the spurs.

Teresa reflected quietly on the joys of going 'commando' in long grass...

They all waited (im)patiently til Mark ran out of ideas...





God Mark was bored at work waiting on standby for someone to ask him to drill a hole in a piece of MDF...



Edited by Mark 14 Sep 2007  • Reason:

Posted by Gunner 14 Sep 2007, 14:13
Gunner
Offline
Second Class Thief

Posts: 33

Joined: 7 Nov 2006
Last Post: 27 Jan 2008
Last Online: 27 Nov 2008
Have it, poke it, open it, RUN AWAY
ES
It reminds me a bit of an advert - either Cornflakes or Guiness - can't remember which.

The stages of evolution - starting with primordial soup (clearly the Capt'n) moving up through the stages till you get to the pinnacle of life - The Table.

Obviously not a caption - unless we're going for the least snappy caption contest.

Posted by Mark 14 Sep 2007, 17:20
Mark
horror
Offline
The Dogs

Posts: 141

Joined: 22 Aug 2007
Last Post: 30 Jan 2009
Last Online: 30 Jan 2009
It all hurts more than it used to.
UK
...did I mention I'm bored?

Posted by Mark 18 Sep 2007, 10:17
Mark
horror
Offline
The Dogs

Posts: 141

Joined: 22 Aug 2007
Last Post: 30 Jan 2009
Last Online: 30 Jan 2009
It all hurts more than it used to.
UK
The glass portaloos proved surprisingly popular.

The excitement reached fever pitch as the 3rd Annual pir*te's Breakdancing Finals prapared to kick off.

Mark hoped and prayed for a piece of MDF needing a hole, a loose screw in need of tightening, anything to break the utter tedium and mind-numbing boredom of standby work...



Yup, still bored.



Edited by Mark 18 Sep 2007  • Reason:

Posted by Mark 18 Sep 2007, 12:18
Mark
horror
Offline
The Dogs

Posts: 141

Joined: 22 Aug 2007
Last Post: 30 Jan 2009
Last Online: 30 Jan 2009
It all hurts more than it used to.
UK
Once upon a time there were 5 dwarves; 3 Lady Dwarves, 1 Man Dwarf (who never seemed to get enough sleep), and something in between. They were happy dwarves leading tiny lives at a low level in a world that wasn't made for them. Never-the-less they went about their daily tasks with a smile on their face and a song in their heart and damp underwear whenever the dew was heavy. One day Mummy Nell Dwarf suggested they play at pir*tes ~ "Think what fun we'll have with our big hats and our big boots!" she cried. "Yaaarrr!" they all replied (even the one who was neither man nor woman, but made a good living on the side by renting itself out to discerning gentlemen down the docks for a penny a job ~ tuppence without the pigs bladder, and therefore had some inside knowledge on the workings of seamen). So they went about their plan and made themselves fine hats and finer boots and swaggered around singing sea shanties and rude songs. It all went swimingly until one day an elephant came along, mistook them for mushroms and sat on them.

THE VERY BIG END.



Edited by Mark 18 Sep 2007  • Reason:

Posted by Mark 18 Sep 2007, 12:19
Mark
horror
Offline
The Dogs

Posts: 141

Joined: 22 Aug 2007
Last Post: 30 Jan 2009
Last Online: 30 Jan 2009
It all hurts more than it used to.
UK
GOD SOMEONE SHOOT ME NOW!

Posted by Mark 18 Sep 2007, 15:10
Mark
horror
Offline
The Dogs

Posts: 141

Joined: 22 Aug 2007
Last Post: 30 Jan 2009
Last Online: 30 Jan 2009
It all hurts more than it used to.
UK
...so I was saying to my wife that work's been really hard recently, long hours, crushing deadlines and the constant pressure of budgets and schedules. She told me that was all bollocks and I should get a proper job that actually contributed something to the world other than 45 minutes of light tv entertainment on a saturday night before people went out and got bladdered down the pub. I countered with the argument that people need 45 minutes of 'light ent' on a weekend before going into town to get bladdered, even if it is only some badly made old shyte like Torchwood (or 'Touch-wood' as everyone called it at the beeb). To which she countered (correctly) that no one needs twaddle like that and did the entire world think that Wales was completely full of bi-sexual egotistical tw*ts, to which I replied - probably yes. Besides, she said, completely ignoring me and continuing her tirade, all this bloody escapism and 'pirating' you do at the weekends, what's that all about eh? I suppose you're going to try to tell me that, what with work being so difficult and everyone being so mean to you there, you need to bugger off and dress up like some 16th century nonce for a weekend with your little noncy mates? To which I lied - yes darling, I do. Why don't you grow up and get a life she replied. You've got me there I said. I bet you do it because all the women there wear basques she said. I said, you'd be wrong there, not all of them wear basques and some of them who do are men. She said I can believe that you sad old git. Calm down darling I said, have you not seen the online photos of the last weekend I spent in the company of those fine upstanding fellows? Yes I bloody have she countered, and you look like a complete and utter one I can tell you. But darling, did you not like that lovely costume I made, does it not make your husband look like a dashing hero? It makes you look like a Big Issue seller, and I bet you didn't wash your pits the entire weekend, besides she said, while you were spending all that sodding time making that ridiculous fancy dress costume you could have been tiling the kitchen. But darling I replied, it's not a fancy dress costume, it's an historically correct representation of a 16th century sea-farer's garb, and a Spanish one to boot, besides, the ceiling needs plastering before I can start on the tiling. But you're from Gloucester not bloody Costa Del Sol she said, and don't give me that 'I can't start on this before the ceiling's done', you've been putting this off for months. This is true darling, but only because I spend so much time online at the burntisclean website. Ah ha! she cried. I bloody knew it! Gulp I replied, now I've done it...




The views expressed in this post do not reflect the views of the Burnt is Clean management, nor did this conversation take place in any real world other than that of the BORED author, and my wife is fully supportive of my noncy hobby, although I really do need to sort the kitchen out...



Edited by Mark 18 Sep 2007  • Reason:

Posted by The_Earl 18 Sep 2007, 19:01
The_Earl
Administrator

Offline
The Dogs

Posts: 319

Joined: 14 Sep 2005
Last Post: 26 Sep 2012
Last Online: 20 Jun 2013
Dead by dawn!
Taurus
Lovely, thanks for that Mark.

(Please for the love of god, somebody have the need of a hole in some MDF!)
Forum Information Burnt is Clean Index | ^^ Top


Page  «1-34»

Users browsing this page: 1 [1 Guest]
Powered by: AZbb 1.0.11 © 2004-2005 AZ. All Rights Reserved. In: 0.133 sec