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Perfect Martini (Views 1,003)
Posted by The_Earl 22 Jul 2007, 20:08
The_Earl
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The Dogs

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Dead by dawn!
Taurus
Dear Hombres

What is the best way to get the perfect Martini?

I asked the Salty Dog but all he came up with was a Grogtini.

Chin chin
Tewksbury

Posted by Thomas DeChong 23 Jul 2007, 14:18
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Am I sailing ok? - Hombre, I think we're moored.
MX
Martini?

Steenkeen Martini!?!

Ees a girls dreenk feet only for the leemp wristed Eengleesh who like the wreest movement of the onaneest rather than the stirring of the macho hombre like Cheech an' me!

Forget the Martini amigo, an' dreenk rather the fine Margarita (the name of the beautiful senorita) made weeth the mans dreenk of tequila!

For thees you weel need:

Tres (3) parts for the finest white teqila from Carlos the Insane

Uno (1) part of the Triple Sec (also available from Carlos the Insane...or Waitrose)

Uno (1) part of the lime juice that make your eyes screw back into the sockets and your mouth look like the puckered reeng around the anus of the beautiful senorita...or the buro.



Put all the ingredients een the jar, you can reense the pees from the jar first eef you want, and add the crushed ice. Stir like the macho hombre not shake like the leemp wreest!

Take the tankard (or glass eef you ees the senorita or the Eengleesh nancy ponce) an' damp the rim weeth the juice of the lime.

Then you deep the reem in the ground habanero chilli (or salt eef you are the senorita or Eengleesh ladyboy).

Pour the contents of the jar through the stockings of the beautiful senorita (or sock eef you no have senorita handy).

Add the slice of the lime an' dreenk like the demon amigo!

Eef you are REELY macho hombre, you could try using Mama Jambalaya's 13 Chilli Tequila - but thees ees no for sissies!






Or eef you ees true Eengleesh dandy fop the you can make the martini weeth:

Old pees jar weeth four ice cubes een eet.

Pour over:
uno (1) part gin *pfft*
uno (1) part dry vermouth *pffffftt*
Stir like you are trying to be macho hombre, or shake like you know you reely want to.

Strain dreenk through beard of old seaman into the glass of the senorita.

Add the green olive and the preety steek weeth the lady's umbrella.

Put on the lacy frock an' ponce about weeth the leetle feenger steekin' out like eet's broken.

Thees ees galled 'Dry' martini - I no soil thees forum weeth 'sweet' or 'medium' martini - go ask a girl eef you want to know how to make thees hombre.



Edited by Thomas DeChong 23 Jul 2007  • Reason:
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